Planning a Gathering
Typically the first decision to be made after choosing cremation is what type of gathering would you like. Do you want a traditional funeral service or a modern memorial service? Let us provide some guidelines to consider while planning. We are here to help at any time.
"Baby Boomers see funerals as a valuable part of the grieving process and are seeking ways to make them meaningful."
Rather than opting to do things "the same old way," many families today want to celebrate the life of a loved one, and Baby Boomers are leading the way for this change. The National Funeral Directors Association notes, "As Baby Boomers age and find themselves having to plan funerals for loved ones and themselves, they are making funeral choices based on values that are different than previous generations. Baby Boomers see funerals as a valuable part of the grieving process and are seeking ways to make them meaningful." If you too desire to make the funeral for a loved one more engaging and personally meaningful, let us help you plan a modern memorial gathering.
Guidelines for choosing what type of service?
It's a process of asking–and answering–questions. Sit down with other family members and explore the answers to these questions to determine what type of services would best meet your needs:
Plan Now
- Who to invite? Do you want a large service open to anyone in the community to attend, or do you want a smaller, more intimate service? The number of guests defines the where, when, and how for your gathering. Write down the names of everyone you think would want to be there, and then set it aside. You can add new names to the list as you go along.
- Where and when will the event take place? Be sure to check in with out-of-town relatives and friends about their travel plans before determining the necessary details.
- Who will lead the event? If your loved one was religious, you might want to have their pastor speak. However, if they were not, there are other options, like a Celebrant or having a funeral director or family or friends lead the service.
- Who wishes to speak at the event? Often, family members or friends will be straightforward about their desire to say something at the celebration of life; other times, you will need to ask folks if they will share a few words. Either way, you'll want to select those people who have shared a close relationship with the deceased and have something meaningful to contribute.
- What group atmosphere is appropriate? Think about what your loved one liked most about their life and choose a service that gives everyone a special space to share memories, laugh, and even cry together. The service may be informal over a meal, a memorial service inside a church, a water burial service on the lake, or an intimate gathering/service at the Cremation Center. Consider these questions to determine what kind of atmosphere will be best for your family:
- What was he or she like as an individual?
- What was their profession and how did that shape their life?
- Was your loved one spiritual?
- Was he or she proud of their cultural or ethnic heritage?
- What food or beverages should be served? What you do may depend on the type of gathering and what would honor your loved one. We have catering options for brunch, lunch, dinner, or appetizers. We can even bring in a Brick Oven and make pizzas during a gathering. Many families like to make a toast; whether it was something their loved one used to say or sharing a story about how they touched their life, toasts are a light-hearted way to celebrate a loved one in an intimate setting.
- Do you want to include a reading, poem, or music? Music is an integral part of life for many people and can create a unique ambiance that brings back memories over the span of a lifetime. We can help you put together a Spotify list to play during your events. If your loved one didn't appreciate music (and lots of folks don't), it might be more appropriate to read chosen spiritual selections or excerpts from literature.
- What details of your loved one's life do you want to share with guests? You want to capture their essence by sharing revealing anecdotes or stories. Sometimes you can reveal their character by detailing one short moment in their life experience.
- What decorations will you have? Many families create a tribute video and use it as the event's centerpiece. Others choose to use a memory table of photographs and other memorabilia instead.
Convenient
We make a very difficult time easier. Complete everything from the comforts of home while our experienced team handles the rest. No visit is required.
Traditional Service vs. Modern Gathering
It's interesting; traditional funerals
and modern gatherings
have much in common, yet they often appear very different. Each is a ceremony; a gathering of people who share a common loss. It's just that one is more rooted in tradition, while the other is the result of recent changes in social values. But both serve to do three things:
- Help the bereaved family, and their community, publicly acknowledge the death of one of their own
- Support the grieving family by surrounding them with caring friends, co-workers, and neighbors
- Move the deceased from one social status to another
Yet they achieve those things in very different ways. Let's take a closer look at what most of us commonly see as a traditional funeral.
Traditional Funeral Service
A traditional funeral service is composed of three activities: the visitation, the funeral service, and the committal service performed at the graveside. This is the type of service you have more than likely attended for an older relative. If you are interested in a traditional funeral service, our sister company, Harrell Funeral Home of Kingsland (previously known as Putnam Funeral Home, can carry out this type of service for you.
The Visitation
Held prior to the funeral, often the night before but sometimes on the same day, the visitation (or viewing) is a time when people come to support the family and, more importantly, pay their respects to the deceased. This often involves stepping up to the casket to view the body; either in the company of a member of the surviving family or on your own.
The Funeral Service
Commonly held in the funeral home or church, the traditional funeral service is led by an officiant of one kind or another; most commonly a pastor or the funeral director. This individual follows a very predictable funeral order of service which includes the singing of hymns; and invocations, Bible recitations, Scripture readings, and prayers led by the officiant.
Modern Gathering
Many families today want to celebrates the life of their loved ones in an intimate environment with family and/or friends. We help you design a service that is as unique as the life of your loved one and tells their story. People will gather to celebrate their unique personality/achievements and comfort one another. You can even bring in traditional elements like rituals or symbols to personalize the service.
Modern Cremation Gatherings can be a hybrid event combining a celebration of life service with some activities of a traditional funeral order-of-service. Or the service can be a simple private gathering sharing a meal or a gathering at the lake for a water burial service. These services are transparent, intimate, and flexible in where they are held and what the service looks like. They can be as formal or as casual as you like.
Intimate Come & Go
An “Intimate Come and Go” is a dedicated two-hour period for family and friends to drop by our Cremation Center and offer genuine encouragement and support to your family. The cremated remains can be present if you would like.
Memorial Gathering
A celebration type service to support your family, allow everyone to say goodbye, and an opportunity to share memories. We can host the Memorial Service at our Cremation Center, your home, or another location in the community. We simplify the process and coordinate all parties involved (speakers, venue, florist, newspapers).
Water Burial
We will help you create an intimate water burial service. We carefully prepare your loved one's cremated remains and place them in a biodegradable urn, ready to set sail whenever you desire. Our Funeral Directors arrange a care package with instructions to use during your private send-off ceremony. Your family can implement the water burial service at a place of significance to you and at a convenient time for your family.
Sarah York opens her beautifully-crafted book, Remembering Well, with the very personal story about how her family chose to pay tribute to her mother.
"My mother died in April 1983... She didn't want a funeral. 'Get together and have a party,' she had said when the topic was allowed to come up." However, Sarah explained to readers that the survivors tweaked her request. "We needed to say good-bye, but we also needed a ritual that would honor her spirit and would be faithful to her values and beliefs."
When Sarah acknowledges the position of her family—that they needed not only a party
but also a ritual—she teaches us all something important: the gatherings we plan with families should be shaped as much by their own emotional and spiritual needs as their desire to celebrate the life lived.
It's important to realize that the event you're planning should meet the emotional needs of the guests too. So, think about exactly who will be there, and what they're likely to want or need. Then, bring in those unique lifestyle and personality characteristics of the deceased; perhaps add live music or refreshments, and you've got the beginnings of a remarkable celebration of life.
Sources:
Remembering Well: Rituals for Celebrating Life & Mourning Death, Sara York
